i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
