dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize
