No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
