I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Just pee around me
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
