My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Your mouth is God's brothel.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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