someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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