The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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