just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
