I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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