I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
