nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
