Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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