SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
