listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
