Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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