Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
