so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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