how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Randomize
