can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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