can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
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