3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
