Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
