my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
