I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
she looked like the before picture.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
