Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
