Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Randomize
