i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
