her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
