it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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