at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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