Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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