Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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