it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
