Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I currently don't understand fingers.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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