Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
