I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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