I think I just saw someone hide a body.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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