i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
