I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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