one two three fourrrrnication!
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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