Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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