im drinking this country out of the recession.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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