I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I think my moral compass just broke
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
