I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I have feelings that need drinking.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
