it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
