Just fell off a train. Bad.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
