Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
