We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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