I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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