just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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