im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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