I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
