You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
