Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
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