cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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